Utopia Talk / General Talk / Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Kaylana Moderator	Wed Nov 23 18:56:17 Really, it's a misnomer. Most people who suffer this aren't so delusional about their appearance that they see something different from everyone else. They're just cripplingly unhappy about it. Anyway the reason I broach the subject, I've been considering facial contouring surgery, either by means of a jaw reduction or injections in the cheeks that will reduce the muscle tissue (less appealing, I fear exaggerated sagging would be unavoidable.) My younger (and in my opinion, far prettier) cousin frequently discusses cosmetic procedures that she's planned out as though they are normal "maintenance," but I'm more aiming for a one-shot-and-I'm-done. Just curious what other opinions are, and you're about the only people I can talk to relatively privately with relatively little long-term consequence (assuming no one is cruel enough to post this on facebook), while having the simultaneous benefit of receiving unapologetically honest responses. Anyone else ever consider cosmetic surgery?
pillz Member	Wed Nov 23 19:02:42 lol
swordtail Anarchist Prime	Wed Nov 23 19:05:42 nay
Kaylana Moderator	Wed Nov 23 19:30:34 Pff I know it's more common than people think. I hardly have a female co-worker that hasn't been nip-tucked in some way shape or form.
McKobb Member	Wed Nov 23 19:39:58 You are beautiful as you are, K. Honestly it is your differences that make me smile! If you feed your daemons they will stay to feast :P
Kaylana Moderator	Wed Nov 23 20:11:17 I was afraid of that, too. I might only like it temporarily and then I'd obsess over something else I don't like, and this isn't a choice I can unmake. But, I've always hated these chipmunk cheeks, even as a kid. I don't particularly -want- to have a distinct jawline. Between close family members whom are appearance-focused and co-workers whom have touted bigger success and bigger promotions for getting work done, the pressure really piles on to look a certain way.
Kaylana Moderator	Wed Nov 23 20:15:26 Being pretty frank about it. Women are not supposed to care about appearances, but we're not supposed to look flawed, either.
McKobb Member	Wed Nov 23 20:26:00 You do you. Pros: potential opportunities, possible self confidence gain. Cons: cost, surgical risks including up to death and disfigurement, and daemons smacking behind the mirror! Not biased at all :P
McKobb Member	Wed Nov 23 20:36:27 Pro Tip: Watching the purulent wasteland of cosmetic surgeries gone wrong kinda puts one off elective invasive procedures! Not to mention the OR team are bigger trolls than up!
Kaylana Moderator	Wed Nov 23 20:47:09 So true. Injections will cause disfigurement too, which is why I think botox is a long con. I'd have to give this long and careful thought and research. Might be more trouble than it's worth just for the slight chance of relieving a little social anxiety.
tumbleweed the wanderer	Wed Nov 23 20:53:43 you're like 8-time sexiest UGTer award winner, and I never have thought of chipmunk cheeks from your photos plus you've been way better looking than your partners :p don't do it!
McKobb Member	Wed Nov 23 20:55:56 Big smile!
Cherub Cow Member	Wed Nov 23 21:17:14 Allegedly CC may or may not have had a rhinoplasty [unconfirmed/redacted="—"], and if that were the case I would say that it can definitely be a plus. How that can make you feel.. definitely better! [Redacted] felt self-conscious about that issue for years, and with it fixed it's [allegedly] like, "oh, now I don't like myself for wholly different reasons — but at least *that* one is gone" ;D ... [—] also had friends who told [—] beforehand that "it's not a big deal, why change it?", but I think that when you have to look at yourself in the mirror every single day you can become very aware of the things you don't like about yourself, and other people may just want to treat you like an unchangeable thing and assume that no change on that level could be for the better. But despite that resistance, once [—] did it, those same peeps changed their minds about it and admitted that it was a clear improvement. And friends aside, it just makes it easier to see *yourself* closer to the way that you want to see yourself.. This will seem like a teenager idea, but that can mean a really positive change in self-esteem. Jaw reduction and cheek bone contouring [also (allegedly)] seems like an attractive idea to [me (allegedly)] if you become aware of facial asymmetries... Everyone has asymmetry, but having *more* symmetry can definitely be noticeable, even if *other* people only subconsciously notice something more attractive yet don't know the facial specifics that allow it... I've only looked into that procedure a little bit, though, just because it's a comparatively minor, and I recognize that making *one* correction can heighten your awareness of things that you might *also* want to "correct"... I think that's how people become addicted to procedures; they keep noticing the next flaw and don't stop themselves from acting on it.. I think that's just a problem that rich, overly-leisured, or crazy people have ;p Doctor choice is really the big one! Definitely go to **at least** two doctors. Appointments can be pricey (like, even 700USD just to see the doctor, though that cost typically goes towards the cost of any procedures done at that office), but unless you feel awesome about the first doctor then I think it's important to be cautious. The first one that [—] went to wanted to rush into things and seemed way too cavalier and unspecific, but the second one was far more human about personal concerns. He was also much more artistic and patient than the first, which eased worries of that fear of becoming an L.A. plastic clone due to some "by-the-numbers" approach (like the "Diamond Nose" approach which still happens to be very visible on a lot of modern celebrities.. e.g., Jessica Biel). Good doctors try to do work such that you don't *look* "worked on" ("natural" look.. just better than before). There's also that risk of becoming Jennifer Grey (looking like a different person altogether), so it's really a matter of knowing specifically what you want and knowing how much leeway you want to give the doctor to change things once under the lamp. Like, for instance, [—] was really resistant to the idea of *adding* material (Kevlar and/or silicone), but in hindsight [—] should have listened to the doctor about a minor suggestion. Kind of have to be open-minded with the doctor (not shut things down) but also know when an idea is too much. Having a friend along becomes important there.. someone less invested who can more objectively monitor the doctor's opinion versus your own... TLDR: So yeah! I'm obviously for it (so beware of my bias), especially if you've been thinking about it for years. I'm personally against cheek implants (Courteney Cox, Tori Amos, etc. tried that, and it ends up looking artificial), but shaping procedures can turn out really well!
tumbleweed the wanderer	Wed Nov 23 21:41:05 can they make 3D masks of before and expected results... seems like they should be able to these days
Damian DB Moderator	Wed Nov 23 21:52:16 eh everyone has something about them that bothers them or they wish they could change. Not about appearance but I got lazik surgery this year so I no longer wear glasses, which I had worn for 28 years. There are times when I regret it, and other times I think it was the best thing I could ever do for myself. maybe it's the area of the country, but I don't know any person in my family or group of friends that has gotten cosmetic surgery, most seem pretty successful. I think it speaks volumes to feminist ideals you feel that pressure to look a certain way. my personal opinion is I have always found you to be a beautiful person. just make sure you are 98% certain you want to do this. I don't think anyone sane could be 100% certain
Kaylana Moderator	Wed Nov 23 22:11:00 Thank you all for discussing with me. CC, that is wonderful insight, and I appreciate you sharing a personal testimonial by unknown submitter. Damian, I find lazik and electrolysis type procedures to be comparable, if on a smaller scale, so thank you for that. I'm still on the fence, but I feel a little more comfortable with the internal debate.
Palem Person.	Wed Nov 23 22:39:36 Have you discussed this with your husband? Even just casually mentioning the option? His input seems much more valuable than this rag tag team of Internet peoples. Obviously it's ultimately your decision, but your decisions affect him as well and it's quite possible he likes your cheeks the way they are.
tumbleweed the wanderer	Wed Nov 23 22:45:25 we've known her longer, plus the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (or the one)
Hood Member	Wed Nov 23 23:19:30 I'm pretty sure kay knew her husband before GT. However, it is definitely something you should talk to him about if you haven't already, Kay. At the very least, the expense of any cosmetic changes would impact him. I don't feel comfortable addressing anything else about this topic.
McKobb Member	Wed Nov 23 23:43:57 She should do it for herself if she wants it done.
McKobb Member	Wed Nov 23 23:55:40 Also CC nose best! :P Hey!
Kaylana Moderator	Thu Nov 24 09:46:54 Well I haven't been married for a while, but yes, years ago this is something I conferred with him over first and foremost. Of course this would be a partner decision that strongly affects a relationship, regardless of what decision is reached.
Palem Person.	Thu Nov 24 10:19:31 Well...this is awkward lol [I have to break this up because this page doesnt work well on mobile, so apologies there] I guess my personal opinion is that I'm generally against cosmetic surgery. Most people think it's gonna make them happy and they're almost always wrong.
Palem Person.	Thu Nov 24 10:26:28 I think cosmetic surgery is usually a short term fix to a much bigger problem. Your cheeks aren't causing a negative impact on your life. You just don't like them. It seems to me that the much more practical and healthy solution is to learn to either love or live with your features.
Palem Person.	Thu Nov 24 10:33:20 But your the only one that can really know all the pros and cons to weigh. We don't really know what your financial situation looks like or what all of the underlying motivations may or may not be and so on and so forth. You could very well be a person that has their surgery and is completely satisfied after without going down the rabbit whole of insecurity that plastic surgery just doesn't fix.
tumbleweed the wanderer	Thu Nov 24 20:06:02 maybe you can hang out at the doctors office and see how many people leave happy
The Bard Member	Mon Nov 28 00:03:33 I don't consider lazik as cosmetic as you're actually correcting bad vision. I fully intend to get it next year. However, I've also considered lypo a decade ago when my metabolism suddenly gave out on me. I have always considered myself an unhandsome man. However, the more I see old pics of me, I realize that I wasn't all that bad to look at! It always seems like the current me doesn't like my looks, but future me likes me just as I was. So, I'm in the "no" camp simply because my flaws and such are what endears me to many and if I had changed them long ago I simply wouldn't be the same person now. You have always seemed a confidence person to me (and the nicest fairy!). I don't see how cosmetic surgery would help you do anything but find something else to see as a "flaw". But of course, I'm an idiot.
Pillz Member	Tue Nov 29 00:24:10 Lol
Marlboro man Member	Tue Nov 29 13:46:38 You think it will help more than it will hurt? If yes, do it.
Cherub Cow Member	Tue Nov 29 14:58:31 Oops! I should make a correction: it can be about 700 USD to reserve a **surgical time** (like, decision made, let's operate), but reserving a *consultation* (like, let's talk about this) tends to be far less.. like maybe 100 USD. Sorry! :p
Flint Member	Sat Dec 10 21:23:29 I've known a couple ladies who have gotten their boobs down and they at least seem happier afterwards. I got eye surgery a few years ago and absolutely love not wearing glasses any longer
hood Member	Sun Dec 11 13:56:11 I don't think corrective eye surgery really compares.
earthpig GTFO HOer	Mon Dec 12 04:49:15 Every kiss wouldn't begin with Kay if you had unappealing "chipmunk cheeks."
Pillz Member	Mon Dec 12 13:24:33 My favorite thread on UP/UGT
McKobb Member	Mon Dec 12 13:58:48 Because you like fish sticks.
TheHighQueen Member	Wed Dec 14 23:13:02 Kaylana, When I saw the title of this post I thought it was going to be an article or something. I never really expected this, my thoughts about your appearance were always positive ones. I think everyone at one point or another considers what it would be like to look differently and with the pressures of your workplace (real or imagined) I can understand why you might consider. I won't try to persuade you in one direction or another, but I will tell you that for me personally I would never consider cosmetic surgery except for corrective reasons or extreme circumstances. Those being (if they were needed): teeth straightening, lasik or to repair something damaged (such as if I were in a car accident or fire ect.). It's not to say that I have never thought what if, but I would feel so weirded out looking in the mirror and not recognizing my own face. Also the risks associated such surgeries are too large for me to consider. My nose is probably the one thing that always seemed too different, but over time I have grown to like it. Not only that but it's a family trait from my mother's people, we all have it and likely if I ever have kids (probably won't but still) they will have it too. You are the person who has to live with this change, so if it makes you happy go for it.. or not :) ;) ;)
tumbleweed the wanderer	Fri Dec 16 17:37:17 Happy post-Birthday, Kaylana!
talon121 member	Sat Jan 14 01:48:07 Sometimes I think I would look pretty great with some ass implants...and maybe going up a few cup sizes.
Cthulhu Tentacle Rapist	Mon Jul 02 18:44:00 The only cosmetic procedure Ive had was a neccessary penile reduction.
OsamaIsDaWorstPresid Member	Mon Jul 02 20:41:40 I gota admit dat wen i whip out mi dick sum women run in teror bcos thay r scared thay canot handel da beast bcos it wil split them in 2. @ 1 point i got cozmetic surgerie 2 maek it look leik a mace so i wuz considerin getin da 30 4 inch nailz removed from da shaft
Kaylana Moderator	Mon Jul 02 21:28:07 Oh, I actually have an update on this. For dental-health related reasons, my orthodontist finally convinced me last year to get invisalign. My teeth weren't horribly crooked, but my bite was misaligned, which could lead to more serious problems if not corrected. Surprisingly, just straightening my bite also straightened out my jaw and mouth, so I don't have any need anymore to pursue facial contouring or any horrible fillers. Over the years, my bite must have been gradually getting worse without my realizing it, and it was skewing how I saw myself. My mind knew something was off (because we are so familiar with how we're supposed to look), but I just never realized what the source of it was.
tumbleweed the wanderer	Mon Jul 02 22:13:47 congrats on feeling better about your hotness
Pillz Member	Tue Jul 03 00:17:28 So Kay died as a result of a complication from invisalign?
Kaylana Moderator	Tue Jul 03 18:59:19 They never tell you the risks until after they've already performed the procedure and billed you for it.
OsamaIsDaWorstPresid Member	Tue Jul 03 22:29:24 2 b honist i had a hare transplant 2 put head hare on da purpel part of my cok
McKobb Member	Wed Jul 04 00:19:18 If it makes you happy how can it be that bad?
Taranis Member	Wed Oct 10 00:06:54 I’ve had my nose broken a few times when I was a teen (shitty parents) and it never healed straight. It bothers me a bit, so I’d consider surgery for that. Obviously I can’t say I’m unsympathetic to the idea of cosmetic surgery. My glasses hide the asymmetry in face and I don’t usually notice it unless I’m especially depressed. So I’ve never done anything about it (aside from not having the money for it). It will probably always be a small chink in my self esteem though. I can live with it, but I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to go under the knife if I could feel confident it wouldn’t end up looking worse. My fiancée doesn’t seem to mind it and that makes it easier to forget anyway. Just my two cents on the subject even though the thread has probably run its course. I’m glad everything worked out!
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